Thursday, December 28, 2006

Love for Dummies: Ni pa´tras ni pa´ delante.

Ni pa´tras ni pa´ delante means "I can Neither advance nor stand still".
I probably didn´t mention anything earlier because to be honest I was feeling a bit dumb about the situation.
Well about a month and 2 weeks ago when I was having that hard dissapointment not on Glossy lips it was more like a dissapointment towards me and the image I built of her, and hard to admit but I was still having those hard feelings for her. I got the nerve to invite her somewhere again mainly to know and let her know what my feelings were. I still do not know If I did right I only followed my damn tiny heart.
Well She replied She had a coffee that day but after the coffee with a friend, She would have time to go out with me, so She swore She would send me a text message as soon as She was done with her other appointment.
In fact She did it, She told me to wait for her in a mall near where She was about to be, I was on time as usual. What it was my surprise that She was with a friend (yeaph!! psyco girl was there), as you might understand I really felt stupid because the idea was to be alone with her and tell her everything I was trying to say over the past months, as you can understand I was not in my enviroment not even in the mood after that, so I just became silent and well I took it in the good way and I asked them to accompany me to buy some things I was in need, all the time from there on I was with them I was just quiet and honestly feeling a bit stupid for being in that situation.
Glossy lips asked me many times times why I was so quiet and a kind of disgusted and also said that it is not good to keep things on your chest that it you want to say something to say it...ahha!! right!!.
I just told her that in fact that I had something to say but it was not the right moment and well after 2 hours and a half Glossy lips and the other one said goodbye and left me in a bus stop near the mall.To add something else while I was in the bus heading to my place I received a text message from her "What is wrong with you?..If there is something I can do for you just let me know and I will try to help in the way I can..". Obviously after that lame day I decided not to invite her out ever again or to say how I feel for her...I mean...What for?
Do you understand something...me neither?????????
The following days as you might understand I tried not to see glossy lips in fact I was really successful (damn I am just repeating the scheme!!!).
This is the part that I can not even understand, 4 weeks ago I saw her while going to one of my classes and the first thing She did was to hug me, and She also told me that One day She was looking for me upstairs where I am supposed to be but because it was closed the door that day She didn´t want to interrup me and told me that She has been thinking about me lately, She hugged me twice and We even had that kind of hand play again... I just don´t get it!!.?????.
What I have been doing all this time after that is not to try to look for her or even want to create an encounter.
She has sent me two text mails, one to say Merry X-mas that I didn´t answer because I didn´t want to do so and a second one two days ago wishing me "A great X-mas time with my Family" and ending the message with the TQM (tqm, means "te quiero mucho", in English can be like "I love you so much", in this part another disclaimer when you write a person tqm can be as a friend or as something else, in this case I will think negatively and I will think that it is as a friend), I finally replied her second message telling her "The same to you and your Family and "tqm".
It hurts to write this but as I guess this is just my closure for the situation...and I have again that feeling of being dumb.

Have a great day!!

JESUS ANTONIO

1 comment:

urban butterfly said...

I think you should ask her to meet with you alone, with just the two of you and you should tell her how you feel. Don't keep it inside of yourself. Let it out, even if you feel dumb or foolish. Loving her is not worth it if she doesn't know how you feel. You will feel so much better ater you tell her.

You have a beautiful blog!! I love your artwork!