Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Love for Dummies: Love Shack.

Wondy gave me a nice idea to talk about something that I haven´t thought in a while probably because it didn´t chase me any longer and because I do not normally keep myself stuck in the past, but this exercise will help me realize some stuff from the present. Sorry for using part of your words Wondy!.
Today's post is going to be about lurve. Oh yeah baby, L-O-V-E love.Everybody loves love, right? It makes the world go round (or is that money?), it conquers all, it is all around us and it's all we need, right?Right?!There are some topics that I steer away from in case someone I love reads about them and gets narky. Things about the past for instance, the things that have made me the person I am now.Today I'm thinking, screw it. I feel like dipping my toe into the warm waters of the past for a little while.So here it is. The three loves of my life that have lead me to where I stand now. Some of it ain't pretty...
I have had three loves in my life so far. Technically I have been dating more girls and some of them a pain in the ass and some of them so incredible but only some of them really counts or at least are memorable.

Pretty Candid Love. The first (and last) time I ever had everything so simple.
I met this girl in my classes of art in fact I guess We met since We were really young (probably 14 or 15), She was so nice with me so I fell in love instantly, I still have her photo in one of my old design books She became like the impossible love because We were boyfriend and girlfriend for mere days because She needed to study and returned back to Mexico City, What I remember from her is her voice and her laughter, her voice is a bit grave thing that seems to me really sexy, It was the only girl I really dedicated years loving her, when She returned from Mexico We still be kind of friends and once while I was dating the girl I was for over 5 years I finally got the chance to be with the love of my life because She was free in that time but my ethical values made me decide to continue with the girlfriend I had on that time, thing that I do not regret but as you know life and time passed by She got married and now She has a beautiful boy and as a tiny secret She is the only girl that I would like to be back in my life with kid and everything. I guess for her I was just another one but for me She was really special.
Lesson learned: Control my emotions.

Secure love. The first and last one in that kind.
I was with this girl for 5 years and to be honest it has been the best couple I have ever had in life and I can say only great things from her and more beyond that, We met in a weird way I was the boyfriend of her bestfriend, hahah you guessed it her friendship with the girl was over and We started dating for about 5 years even plans to get married were in the air but She couldn´t have resisted my artistic process (To be a comic book illustrator has sacrifices and I had to pay in a way my dues breaking the relation aside some other issues on that time that I won´t talk about). As I have said to some people If I had married with her I would have been a happy guy but not satisfied, We had different paths. I know I destroyed her but I know I did the right thing.
She still talks great things about me and I really appreciate it!.
Lesson learned: Not to be in a cozy place just because I am secure over it.

Lame Love.The last one who destroyed my illusions on what love meant.
After breaking with Secure Love I started a relation that in few words was the most horrible 11 months I had ever had. Why? Simple I loved her with all my guts (some friends tell me it was pure lust) while She never knew If she liked me or not,never loved me for sure!, but She was with me telling I was her love and telling her friends She felt nothing for me. She was not young but not old I guess She was just a pampered snob girl in her 21 years old, She cheated on me once and I made the wrong decision to forgive and I return with her so She could cheat on me once more and finally break the little pieces I had on that time, now I am so over her and in a way I treat her in the same way I now treat You know who only desdain and nothing else!.
Lesson learned: Never give a second chance for free, She has to earn it!

And well I am still clueless about this process of searching...thanks Wondy for making me think about something I haven´t done in years!



wondy woman said...

Hey Jesus, cool post, I read that with a lot of interest.

Hope it was ok taking a walk down memory lane, sometimes it's cathartic, non?

You rock.

Wondy x

antonio said...

It was fun indeed, and in a way I am trying to figure out the new way I respond and roll over the punches!!
Loving you!!


The Old Lady said...

Sometimes writing things down makes you remember what was good.I do hope you find someone soon.


antonio said...