Saturday, November 26, 2005
Love for Dummies. Am I weird? Or is it just my Universe?
Well, Yesterday happened something really weird again (well you know weird in my Universe).
As you might remember I have been quite frigging busy with life and I was really stressed out a couple of days ago so when that happens normally is time to eliminate the crap that is affecting or at least grab the crap in a plastic box.
Also do you remember the tiny,religious girl I really liked a lot,well last Monday I asked her to come early (If she could) just to talk as soon as possible.
Well She arrived late so I had to talk in less than 7 minutes and summarize the whole thing.
This is the conversation.
Tiny:Ooooopppss! sorry for being late but I took me ages to get the bus!
Me: Mmmmm, well You give me no room of time to talk but firstable can you go with me to the Cafeteria to buy a bubble gum for a friend of mine and then We can talk?.
Tiny:Yeah! Why not?
So We went to the Cafeteria and I bought some chewing gums to my friend, to her and to myself, then I took my school bag and I left the place with her heading to an empty room
Me:Firstable there is something I want to get out of my chest but I do not know how to start or from where to start.
Tiny:well just say it as it is.
(I was just a bit nervous and my voice started to tremble and I can not remember If I sweat).
Me: Haven`t you noticed anything yet?
Tiny:mmmmmmmm not really is it something wrong with you?.
Me:Well firstable what I have to say just keep it to yourself because my only point is to say it and take it out of my chest. Last time I asked you to come early to talk and I guess you remembered I didn`t tell you anything after all just saying that there was no point.
Me: Well since that time I really wanted to tell you that I LIKE YOU, I really do!!
Tiny:I do not know what to say this is new to me?
Me:Well I am not asking anything back I am just saying to you that I like you but that is all I am not expecting anything only to say that and not to have it on me any longer.
Tiny:mmmmI do not know what to do or say?...I haven`t heard something like that since 3 years ago.
Me: I do not get it?
Tiny:Well I always thought of myself as uggly and that I could not call the attention of anybody.
I just kept quiet because I didn`t want to inflate her Ego and also because it has been the weirdest reaction I had seen in someone.
Tiny:Yeaph! I never thought of that. In fact right now I do no like anybody...I do not like anybody.
Me:Okey let me set this clear.....right now I can not do anything but I have two options
The first is to wait and when the year ends to ask you again to see If there are chances of something or Two just to continue living in my Universe and pretend nothing has happened.
Tiny: Mmmmmmm...Please continue in your Universe!
Just a jaw dropper that answer, isn`t it'
And well after having that weird clarification I just thanked her for listening to me, and I know myself firstable I liked to do what I did, not for the situation by itself it is more that I didn`t kept shut this time and it help me to take this thing out of my chest.My interest was more in saying that and I was not really expecting anything so the blow was less harmful.
I know myself and from now on I would take an enormous distance between her and I.
Second part: I was talking to a friend of mine and she made me think about something I still do not know what to think but I will really consider it "It is because you are a young boy in the body of an adult, and you always get inmature girls because You always get attracted in the physics (her opinion I have to add) I am not saying that If the girl is uggly you do not go with her it is more that You just haven`t gotten a person You want to get and/or You are willing to be involved".
I over intelectualized everything maybe because of the fact that at least 30% of my friends are intellectuals,Psycoanalists, or shrinks so I never get into the surface, I guess you can imagine the talks We have sometimes.
Well,Today I talked to a person I know and starting next year I will attend some therapy with this psicoanalist just to learn what is my prototype or the flaws in my idealization of Love so I can structure myself better. I am not saying I am wrong or that I want people to tell me what is right, is it just that I want break some walls I know I have.
Have a great day!!!