Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Love for Dummies. I will keep you in the corner of my eye.
Well She responded yesterday telling me that I do not have to get mixed up She only wanted to thanked me about the things I have done to her over this time! (I still think..what for? as A friend told, well she only means that and nothing more, so well the question remains the same..waht for?, She knows HowI feel so why to send me a message like that..mmm..),well She also wanted me to wait for her today and give me a book She owed me and just say hello to me because She hasn`t seen me over last week.
Well I wait for her, and she told me She forgot the book that all last week was in her hands but today She just forgot to put it on her bag, She also told me that She was a bit angry and didn`t like the way I reacted a couple of days ago.
Happens that somebody gave me a ride to my place and I saw her in the distance, I just waved my fingers to say hello, She told me that I looked really mad at her( I am not mad I am deeply dissapointed and I know myself it shows, my face is very simple to read), I mean I don`t expect everything to be the same, but is sad that I made the decision and not her.
I just told her that If She believed that I was mad at her, she just told me that is the way she felt, then the route of the bus appeared and She looked at me telling me with her sight..Are We going together?..I just nod my head saying No, she didn`t know how to react and well She got into the bus, I would easily have gotten into the bus again but I mean to hurt my feelings over and over, I need to set a limit this time..
I felt more dissapointed because I was thinking..okey she wanted me to say hello and talk so why didn`t She say something like "Jesùs I want you to go with me I want that" (things would have become so simple and easy).
Wel I have just sent her a mail. I will try to give the overall I do not want to write all again.
I just wrote that I can not be mad at someone I like and love with all my guts and that I really feel sad about being forced to keep distances, I told her to undertand me to be in my shoes for a moment, that I really miss her smile and I wish I knew what is going on in her life but I do not want to be hurt, and also told her that She is the KEY that She needs to order her mind and She can open everything She wants but She has to say so, and well obviously make her mind up, for God`s sake!
how do I feel?
to be honest I feel good not incredibly good but I am okey because I know this time is not me.
And I learned to start controling my emotions a bit. I mean why to suffer. I have no neccessity to put up with manure now.I am not sad.Funny part is that I am overcoming everything and moving my way.
What about her answer? Right now is just a huge silence..