Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Love for Dummies. Healing in gold terms.
Well I had a coffee with you know who, and to be honest I do not even know why I accepted the coffee. I was talking some time that it was really hard for me to see her as a friend and for a strange reason I continue feeling the same, I can treat her as a friend but it would be like lying to myself. Although I have that crossed emotion I wanted to try to see her as a friend.
I also made a division in feelings One thing is what logic says and the other is what my heart feels, I decided not to go out ever with her and not to become a friend. It would be just painful by now, I now that eventually I will become a friend but not a close one or not now.
I guess I wanted to prove my point and try to deal with the punches.
I feel something incredible for her but She doesn`t so well I hope someone else makes me have that same or a bigger feeling I had for her.
We were talking about my last 3 months with no contact (all the family problems,job and my feelings) and I really undestood that I am not important to her well to the point to see me as a Man.
I have to point out that I was not trying to ask her again about a chance, I never had the intention to ask, beg or return to a pointless situation.
I have to say that it is a big punch to my ego (Because as I said some time after what happend with her I really felt uggly,a dork and without personality..and I couldn`t understand that If I am a nice fella why I just couldn`t make her vibrate in the same frequency..She told me that I am not the problem that it was just that She couldn`t see me as a man and She was looking only for a friendship) and more than that I was sad that I just couldn`t make her feel what I am feeling for her. But as June has been writing lately :The things are or are not.
I just wanted to verify what to do so I am now taking my feelings for her in a little box and I will put them in a corner and hoping that that feeling goes away.
I feel fine I really thought it would be hard but as you guys know I was prepared since long time ago.
So well I am opening a new book and a new page and I really hope that the right one shows up soon.
I am fine today and tomorrow I will see what it goes with my studies I hope to have and find good news about it and well try to see what I can do and give to all the things the same priority.
About Caramel eyes and Cute girl no sign so for now I am resting my case. If something happens I will tell, but as I told a friend If one of these girl had been interested they would have already reached contact.
See you and wish me luck for tomorrow!!
ps:I really need a hug today.