Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Love for Dummies: Really lost.

Love for dummies :Still Dissapointed with myself.

Recapitulation for the new reader.There is our main character Jesùs who WAS dating the little Lupita for 8 months and knowing She can not make her mind about accepting him, start dating other guys ,return to her old love or being alone.
Twist one. Our Hero offered not to ask Lupita out for a while till she can have time for herself and decide about her life not about her love life, according to a previous issue He prefers to see her happy doing what She wants and just stand by her side to help.
Twist two. I am dissapointed big time with her and with me.
Twist three:Last time our hero said " I mean it is obvious to me that it has passed 8 months, enough time to make her mind, so if She can not have a definitive choice I will just withdraw or at least stop seeing her till She finally takes her decision, I mean why to date a person you die for If the person is not really taking a decision)."

Today I saw her again, What I did was to finish my classes soon and go as soon as possible to a place to check my e-mail, probably I never said it but one agreetment We had is to wait for eachother over there and in case nobody shows up there would be no conversation of going together, I have to say that the 90% of time that I have waited or She has waited for, We always or almost always showed up.
This time I left my work and went to that place really hoping that She didn`t show up but at the same time I was hoping She showed up. (Love and the eternal odd ways).
She entered to the place and I kissed her cheeck as a hello, I asked her how her day was and well She told me that it was good till She found a bubble gum, happens that She sat in a place where it was a bubble gum, so you can imagine the gum was all over her pants.
I have to understand how terrible as a girl She felt for having a big big plast of gum in her jeans,
Well We took the bus and this is part of the question.
This is the first time I haven`t talked anything about me, I asked her to let me know how her day was, btw We were talking about her Mother and the day I met her. But now it is really hard to open myself with her...sometimes I am thinking while I am with her.."Why to tell her about my day If maybe is not interested or maybe She is" or "What for..?".
I haven`t even asked her out knowing I am really dying to do so but I have seen myself repressing my thoughts a lot with her.
Do I have to keep myself silent?.
I know that I need to talk to her soon and let her know what I have been thinking (stop seeing her till She knows what She wants) but my point is should I tell her about my dissapoinment about the whole situation and her or only let her know what I have thought and What I will do?.

I also learned this day that Love is in really what you think it is.
There is not a real way to describe it and is eternally subjective because they way I see and understand love is not the same as Lupita does or somebody else does.
I know She will start dating a boy (maybe me or maybe not, the odds are against me) based on what She thinks Love is.
Should I open myself and return to start treating her as I used to be in the past or just keep myslef limited as I have been doing lately?

Great day to you guys!!!...JESUS ANTONIO

4 comments:

Sask 1 said...

I think it is always best to tell what is on your mind.It would make you feel better at least.The rest would be up to her.Good luck with whatever you decide.
June

antonio said...

I am now wondering what to do!! :) Love is really difficult when it doesn`t have to be like that!!..JESUS ANTONIO
thanks June

Ubod_ng_Lumpia said...

that's true jesus...

tell her.. it will make you feel better.. good luck to you --kino--

antonio said...

thanks June and Kino I will do my best and what my neurones can do!! :)..JESUS ANTONIO