Love for dummies :Still Dissapointed with myself or I made the first step.
Recapitulation for the new reader.There is our main character Jesùs who WAS dating the little Lupita for 8 months and knowing She can not make her mind about accepting him, start dating other guys ,return to her old love or being alone.
Twist one. Our Hero offered not to ask Lupita out for a while till she can have time for herself and decide about her life not about her love life, according to a previous issue He prefers to see her happy doing what She wants and just stand by her side to help.Our hero really wants her to be happy, even knowing the idea She has for hapiness is probably not the right one and our hero ahs to accept that If it is her hapiness our hero has to understand.
Twist two. Our hero is dissapointed big time with her and more to himself.
Twist three:Last time our hero said " I mean it is obvious to me that it has passed 8 months, enough time to make her mind, so if She can not have a definitive choice I will just withdraw or at least stop seeing her till She finally takes her decision, I mean why to date a person you die for If the person is not really taking a decision on what to do )."
People is really cruel or probably is only the lack of interest to the feelings of other people, I have learned over the years not to have my work (comic work and non related comic work) and myself to be affected by my love life, difficult to do but it is what I am learning and trying.
Two days ago I was talking to a very good friend in fact one of my bosses from the school were I give classes, since sometime ago the coordinator has been trying to make my life miserable but as I said previously I just learnt not to care and to pray for her (in my orthodox way). My Grandmother used to tell me to pray for the people who don`t deal with me or do not like me, She says and I believe that If the person that doesn`t like you has a good life, for funny that sounds They won`t have the time to make your life miserable because They are happy and do not have the time to make others miserable and my life included.
So She finally changed me so no more dumb coordinator and well She was telling that I should be happy for the change, I just responded that My happiness doesn`t depend on a person and that is what I am trying to do.
So the same I want to say about Lupita.
Yes,I love her with all my friggin guts and heart.
Well since some time ago I finally decided to talk to her and tell her how I feel. I took the bus with her and well as I said in some previous posts that I have been really silent and I let her talk about the things that have been going on in her daily life but me without talking about mine.
As you might supposed I was again silent and I do not know how to describe it but is a mixed feeling of disapointment, blue and anger.
She was telling me that last Saturday didn`t have time to talk to me because She arrived so fast and was a car waiting for her, I just said hello to her and asked her If She wanted me to wait for her so when She said that no I just told her bye.
She also told me that was a little frustrated because She finished her job late and couldn`t go early to check the internet, because She wanted to talk to a certain guy by chat or messanger, and She told the she has been in contact with that guy lately (Shesays that is a journalist but She doesn`t know if the guy is married or single) and She promised him to have the conversation thing that didn`t happen and She was also angry by losing the chance to talk to him. You have to imagine and suppose that I didn`t have the neccesity to know about the guy (am I right?...).
Well after that She told me how my day was and I kept quiet, for a brief moment I really wanted to cry but c`mon in the middle of a bus...not the best place.
She also has to tell me something , I still do not know what is that..but I do not really want to care for now.
Well getting back to the situation she told me If I was angry at her, I just told her that not really I wanted to say that I was more angry to myself, I just told her that I needed to talk to her seriously, She said that If now would be enough and the right time to do so, I told her that I was ready anytime but I wouldn`t like to tell her what I need in the bus because I wouldn`t be around to the bushes and I will get straight to the point and I didn`t want her to misunderstand everything.
I left the bus and She just told me " Are you gonna be fine?", I only responded that I did not know.
The weird part is that while I am writing this post I received a e-mail from her telling me that She was worried and She hopes I am okey...I have just answered the same that I do not really know what to say to her.
Next Friday I will just tell her how I feel...I mean I love her a lot but I do not see the point to still dating her when She is dating me as a friend When I am not dating as a friend..I mean I do not get it..You know that waht I am doing is difficult for me because I am still thinking in how not to affect her, but I need to stop hurting myself for every move She does that is not what I need or want..and again I am not trying to be selfish, I am not trying to make her accept me in fact I am more concerned She makes up her mind and helps me to know in what position I am just keep myself there or move on as soon as possible.
Yes, I love her a lot!!!